he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
