Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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