I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's always time for handjobs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
