who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
