I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
