i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
