alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
