I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
