I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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