oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
