I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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