yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
