you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
