The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
