My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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