youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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