Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
