Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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