Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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