o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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