I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
