I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
