From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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