I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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