Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
