Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
