it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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