tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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