Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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