When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
