the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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