The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
