The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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