she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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