Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
