U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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