But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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