Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
