you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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