I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
