Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
