just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
