after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
