you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
