carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
