all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
