i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
