why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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