Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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