Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
