He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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