did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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