Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
