i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
