im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We are all done wearing pants today
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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