You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
