I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
