If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
