You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
