I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
well you can't waste a boner
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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