its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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