I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
