remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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