i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
