Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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