You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
