Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
