saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
