The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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