Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
